This semester (Spring 2019) I had the honor to take Dr. Earl Wright II's class on the Sociology of Race. Everyday, I've been able to come to class with the opportunity to learn, grow, and understand more about the dynamics of race and ethnicity in America. I've also learned about theories I hadn't known existed until recently. Each day brought new information to the forefront of my mind, and I'm afraid I cannot go back now. I cannot go back to being as ignorant as I was, and I'd like to think my ignorance stemmed from innocuous intentions. I've never meant to offend or marginalize any ethnic group, but now more than ever, I realize I am one of those many marginalized ethnic groups in the United States today. Much like Dr. Earl Wright II quoted in class "Understanding more about race is a bit like the movie the Sixth Sense, everyone thought the boy was lying, seeing things that didn't exist." But in reality, they did. And this has become my reality. The more I travel, learn different languages, and speak my truth, the reality of the world starts shifting and all seems unstable. This class has solidified many thoughts and theories that I couldn't quite put into words, but racism and bigority exists and is so deeply rooted in history that it hurts to look back. But we must, as a society, and as the human race. We must look back, we must process through the pain, and we must move on. We must create a safe world for all humans to live in, not just one specific ethnic group. We must not turn our heads and pretend these issues do not exist, or else history will repeat itself. And I'm afraid it might (and already is).
I sit in class and look around. All I see are others who look nothing like me, sound nothing like me, and converse completely different. It's my first day of capstone class senior year with a professor I've had multiple times before. But this year, something is off. I've taken this professor's class, but I feel as though I know more now. My world has expanded and every word, every critique on my capstone project is like a sharp pain in my side. And as I look around, other students seem to be numb to this pain. Maybe it's me, though? I don't even believe in my reality anymore. I've watched countless self-help guides and have written in my journal to clarify thoughts so many times. But then, I think back to my Sociology of Race class. And understand the reality and truth of racial oppression that could possibly be all around me. And I say possibly because I am so used to doubting myself. I'd come home and tell my mother that I didn't always feel as though I was treated ... different, and she'd sympathize. But she couldn't relate. So I'd again, go back to doubting myself. I am Chinese, but I'm raised by Caucasians in a completely Caucasian family. That is all. I am no different and treated like all of my other relatives. No one can see my race. I am 1 out of around 5 other individuals of a different ethnic background besides Caucasian in my class of 55 graduating Graphic Design seniors, but it doesn't impact how people treat me. Right? I mean, I guess it might be a coincidence that I was able to relate so much more to my only professors who were minorities, but that didn't matter did it?
But I am just now finally understanding the implications of being an Asian American woman, a minority, in a room full of majorities. And it can hurt. And I understand why my voice is seldom heard, or I feel as though I'm being talked down to. But isn't that just in my head? And I shouldn't victimize myself. I do have a voice and people do want to hear from me, right? But how do I assert this? According to Dr. Wrights class, the things I feel are validated, though. And I feel like this class gives me a voice. I feel celebrated for my uniqueness. And on the flip side, I feel so much pain for those who are more marginalized and misunderstood than me. I've truly found a sense of harmony with other minorities after taking this class, a harmony that sometimes I can't even find in my own family.